i can't..

i can't do this ANYMORE.

im all done. tapped out.

emotionally, physically, completely done.

tonight i had christmas with joes moms side of the family. i thought i was doing fine, being in their house is nothing new. i love his parents house. but tonight i was very aware of all his photos on the walls, and all his stuff that was sitting out. i was very aware of everything and tonight it was too much. our daughter, who now walks, was walking around saying "daddy. dada. daddy" everywhere she saw him. a) i am very proud of myself and her that she knows his face that well. b) it broke my heart every time she said it.

idk. i can't do this anymore.


im all done.

i can't even finish this because i can't see through my tears.

just end this now.

give him back to me, your point has been proven, i do in fact NEED him to function.