pain

After facing the loss of losing the person you love,

you would think that id be the strongest person alive.

W R O N G

people tell me all the time how "proud" they are of me. and how "strong" i am.

little do they know?

i suffer from everyday pain just like everyone else.

disappointment.

betrayal.

sadness.

jealousy.

just because i have been through the worst thing of my life doesnt mean i can handle anything.

and honestly?

not to play the "widow" card.

but you think that when people KNOW about your story,

if they had intentions to screw you over they just wouldnt.

in my head i view it as:

" wow. this person has been through so much in the last year.

they REALLY dont deserve any more nonsense."

but.

no such luck.

i guess the difference here is i would never INTENTIONALLY hurt someone.

EVER.

im finally going through my first "heart break" 

since losing joe.

i knew this day would come.

and i knew i wouldnt take it well.

but its here.

and im doing okay.

said boy has put me through the ringer in the last 7 months.

but i will survive.

ive survived worse.

and ive gained alot of knowledge out of this.

and a friendship that came from a horrible situation.

but it still hurts.

being lied to; hurts.

not being enough; hurts.

being second; hurts.

letting go of something that you THOUGHT was everything you wanted; hurts.

so here is to moving forward

and putting this behind me finally.

for the L A S T time.

he isnt worth my tears.

he isnt worth my time.

he isnt worth anything but my goodbye.

loving this song today <3

"Baby, what did you expect me to do? 

Just sit around and wait on you? 

Well, I'm through watching you 

Just skate around the truth 

And I know it sounds trite 

I've seen the light 

Bye, bye, love 

I'll catch you later 

Got a lead foot down on my accelerator 

And the rearview mirror torn off 

'Cause I ain't never looking back 

And that's a fact "

<3