thankful...?

thanksgiving.

all these HAPPY people who are SUPER thankful for their FANTASTIC lives.

none of those words describe me or my life.

i have struggled to write this post for daysssss.

what am i thankful for...? being a single mom...? losing the man i love at 20 years old...? defending myself and my emotions on a DAILY basis...? having to explain to my baby one day why her daddy isn't here...?  thinking of being alone for a long long time...?

no. none of the above.

i am not a happy girl. so happy girls don't sit around and gather lists of what they are thankful for, but here is the list that it took me 10 days to come up with.

1. my princess. she is my rock. i don't know where i would be without her. she is the only thing that gets me out of my bed on a daily basis. she is my personal memory of joe i don't have to share or worry about fading. she is mine. she is his. and she is so much like him it is unfathomable.

2. my memories. no one can take my memories, alter them, tell me how they went or how i should feel about them.

3. my ring. it is such a symbol of my love with joe and it is a materialistic thing i can hold in my hand and remember him & our love & the moment he gave it to me.

4. my in laws. i am blessed by having such a supportive and loving set of "in laws" i know not everyone is that blessed.

5. my 2 very best friends. marissa and jacky. they are my very very very best friends and i don't know what i would do without them. they are incredible and have held me up during all this and will never leave me.

6. my widow friends. they are the only people who truly understand. no one no one no one gets it like they do and i know i can count on them every second of every day.

7. my job. it is such a daily distraction and pays my bills.


7. thats pretty good for such a sad girl.