decisions.

i SUCK at making decisions. joe and i would ALWAYS fight over me making choices. i would never pick where we ate, what we watched, where we went, what we bought. it was bad. but if i wanted something then i could def make a choice. such as clothes or decorations or jewelry :) it was a huge downfall of our relationship because the arguments would spiral out of control. he got mad, i got mad, then he got mad that i was mad and i got mad that he was mad and so on. it was never ending. but eventually i would storm out and he would chase me down and all was well in the world. anyway. not the point. well kinda the point. i have REALLY been struggling with decisions lately. well since he got sick. i had to make decisions for him everyday and now i don't have my decision maker in my life anymore. bleh. :( not okay. anyway. i have made a couple decisions that i am proud of.

1) i decided to go to grief support group with a little help from my lovely "sister in law" and "mother in law" who i LOVE dearly and knew they wouldn't steer me wrong. but i decided to go and i LOVE it. i LOVEEEE crossroads and i LOVE the ladies i have met in my group. i wouldn't be here without them.

2) i have decided i want to help people. i have really been struggling with what i want to do with my life and i think i want to become a counselor. not anytime soon obviously, but it is important to me to give help to people who need it like people have been( and are continuing to do) for me. i want to give people support like i have been given. it has changed my life. joe is a huge supporter of counseling and i think he would really support me on this. idk, nothing is set in stone but for today this is the decision i have made.

3) i have decided to live in the moment. i am NOT this girl. i DO NOT act like this. I am a planner, i am a homebody, and i don't break rules. and I'm done with this. i am going to live everyday like its my last because i sit now and think about all the things joe and i were SUPPOSED to do but i put off because we had "all the time in the world" yeah right. obviously God can take all your time away from you whenever he seems fit. so we will see how this life treats me.

4) i have also decided at some point i think id like to write a book. not so much to get it published, i could care less if it ever gets published but i want my story somewhere. i want it somewhere where its available to others and i want to make sure my story and my joe never dies, because i am proud of my story and i am proud of my relationship and  i never want it to die. i want everyone in years to come to know of my joe and our love story. so we will see how that goes.

for now, this is all of my decisions i have made. this is a lot for a girl like me. but for now, i am ultra sick and i am in desperate need of homework, a shower, and a girls night out.


i hope your enjoying your time up there handsome man. cause i am NOT enjoying my time down here without you. come home boyfriend. your girls are waiting for you. xoxoxo.