lonely, sad, and sick.

i have a head cold from the underworld. and it makes me sad. and lonely. last night i went to the cyclones game( our local hockey team) with my very best friends and it was nice. but then of course it had to end, and i was alone. so i went BACK to hang out with them and it hit me like a wall. i don't want to hang out and play pong, or listen to music, or dance, or watch movies with them, i want to lay at home with my head in his lap and him playing with my hair watching movies and cuddling and him making me feel better. he would hold a heating pad on the back of my neck or ice or make me soup or go get me my favorite coffee, and now. its just me and my pong playing best friends and their happiness.

i have NEVER felt so alone in a world full of people. i feel like my world has stopped spinning. things have shifted recently and i don't get it. ever since the funeral at the cemetery episode i am spooked and i can't get over it. i can't come back from that moment and its frustrating. i feel alone. i feel alone. i feel alone. :( i just want my life back! is that too much to ask?! blahhhhh. I'm loosing my mind people. i HATE this feeling.

i took our princess to the pumpkin patch friday. and that was so hard. joe LOVES halloween and it is horrible to be doing this stuff without him. :( but, i know he was with us. i felt him there. it was odd. but i did. but i need a boyfriend hug and a kiss and someone to tell me I'm beautiful still.

                                                       looks so much like her daddy. <3