2012

2012.

i cant believe its almost over.

2012 has been an interesting year for me.

lets see:

it was my first WHOLE YEAR without joe.

he never saw 2012. which is weird for me.

my baby turned 1.

i celebrated the 1 year mark of losing the man i love.

i have held 4 different jobs. 

i lost my mind briefly.

but found enough of it to be socially acceptable.

i cried alot.

i made it through alot of anniversaries, celebrations, holidays...alone.

i had my heart broken for the first time since joe.

i started dating again.

i realized that guys are awful and it IS possible for someone to lie directly to your face for personal gain.

i have been played like a drum.

i have been lied to.

i have been hurt and betrayed.

i have bounced back from all of that.

my relationship with my family has continued to grow.

i found a great church that i love.

i attended my first opening day...with the wrong person..but hey.

i attended more reds games than i ever have in my life.

my love for the reds blossomed into an obsession.

i got to stand 2 ft away from joey votto.

i turned 21! 

i moved into my own place with my best friend.

the only best friend i have left out of this year.

i let my best guy friend screw me over.

i met alot of guys.

went on alot of dates.

and yet not one of them worked out.

until about 3.5 weeks ago. 

i met a great guy.

he isnt perfect.

but he makes me incredibly happy.

and im trying really hard to trust him and make it work.

we will see.

lets hope i can keep this one around.

i came in contact with a group of women last year.

we are all "widows" who have lost their loved ones at a young age.

and we have grown incredibly close over the last year.

and i cant imagine my life without each one of them.

they have saved me from alot of dark days.

and will continue to be my support system.

they are always there.

no matter what time of day.

i love them all. and i hope 2013 brings us together in real life. 

2012 is over. and tomorrow starts another year.

2013, i am so scared of what you hold.

my baby turns 2. 

i will be starting my second full year without joe.

i will face the 2 year marker.

i will grow one year closer to the last age joe ever was.

i will continue to date.

and continue to put myself out there to be hurt. 

but i will continue to wake up each day.

and thank God for everything he has given me.

and when the days are dark,

i want to focus more on turning to the only man who will never leave me, God.

and i hope that will bring me more happiness and peace.

<3 happy new year bloggers!