highway exit.

so everyday i go to work.
i take the same way every. single. day.
well, every. single. day. i have epic meltdown. if its not literal tears, its anxiety hyperventilation.
why you ask?
the highway exit i take has a left or right option like most highway exits..
turn right? the FIRST thing you see is the cemetery where my love is buried. his grave is so close to the highway i feel like i can see it from the road.
turn left? about a half a mile down the road is the hospital. where he died. the last place i saw my beloved joe alive.

f this road. seriously.
so everyday i turn right to go to work, and i stare at the place where my man is. the cold, grass covered ground that holds the box that holds the body that i held close to me every night. the box that holds my heart. the box that holds my everything. my best friend. my love. my life. my future. my joe.

the box that i think about everyday.

:( :( :(

i just want his arms around me. telling me everything is going to be okay. i just want to know he loves me and he is here with me. i want to hear "girlfriend girlfriend. i love love you" really he could tell me he hated me as long as he was here and speaking to me id take it. id take anything at this point.

its been 7 months. 7 whole months without that smile. without that voice. without my everything.
how have i survived this long?

we have a rough couple months ahead. so wish me luck.
april- joes birthday. our anniversary.
july- one year.
sept- my birthday.
oct-jan- holidays again.

its a continuous cycle.
:(

miss you baby boo. xoxoxo. sending my love thousands of miles away.