i miss...

ive come to terms.

i miss being in a relationship.

i miss feeling wanted, needed, desired, loved.

i miss the cuddling on the couch.

the date nights.

the cute text messages. i miss it.

dont get me wrong.

i still miss joe more than anything.

and would give anything to take all this nonsense back.

but since i am starting to come to terms that this is my reality,

i am able to admit that i miss it. 

but the kicker is,

i wont just be with anyone.

i REFUSE to be with just anyone.

i will NOT settle for less than what i want.

i have dated my handful of guys since march when i started dating again.

majority have been nightmares.

there is one that i think will always have my attention but,

he isnt ready for what i want. and no matter how much i like him and see myself with him,

i wont settle.

i wont change my standards.

for anyone.

i know what i deserve.

i know what i want.

i know what i need.

and thats what i will have.

until then,

i will watch sappy movies.

miss joe.

miss what we had.

and dream of a better day.

leaving friday for a week at the beach.

never needed a vacation this badly.

also considering dying my hair.

which is hard.

my hair has been the same color/style for 3+ years.

the last time joe saw me my hair was blonde.

and now i want to go a dark brunette. 

little things that become big choices.

school year starts in 1 week.

eek. 

time to get my classroom ready!