pictures.

harsh realization tonight.

the pictures i have of joe, joe & alexis, joe & i, our family...

these are the ONLY pictures i will ever have.

i will NEVER see a NEW picture of him. of us. of them.

& tonight i realize this is NOT okay with me.

i miss him.

i miss his handsome face. i miss seeing his smile. his brown eyes looking at me. 

its so hard to think about these things.

would he look older?

would he look better?

would he look different?

what kinda pictures would we have? 

what kinda life would we be living?

would we have bought a house yet?

would we be more in love than we were the last time i saw him?

coulda, woulda, SHOULDA 

these thoughts will kill you if you let them,

bottom line is:

this life isnt getting any better, different, or easier.

this life ISNT for me.

this life ISNT fair.

but this is MY life.

and i will move forward.

i just want some new damn pictures!

baby, i miss you. i just wanna see your face. hear your voice, take your picture. i can barely see this screen through my tears. tonight i just plain miss you. i want you back. i want us back. i want the pain of you and all the horrible guys ive dated since you to go away. i just want someone to treat me like the princess you did. i just want YOU to be here to treat me like a princess again. and i promise id be just as good to you in return. i still love you with every beat of my heart. and i miss you more with every minute that your absence is present. i hope your being good and watching over us.

i love you angel. <3 xoxox

forever & ever. 

be good.