new paths. old journeys.

tomorrow i start my newest "path"

but its the same old game.

since i graduated high school i have worked in a child care setting. 

i am PASSIONATE about children and education.

its kinda my thing.

so i was doing my "thing" 

then i had a kid. 

so i took my maternity leave and then i started at a new school teaching when she was about 3 months old

i was content. doing my thing.

well,

then tragedy rocked my world.

and the man i love got sick. 

school was not helpful or supportive. 

July 21st, 2011 3:30 MIL calls school. 

"pops says its bad and we need to get there now" 

school not cooperative. 

4:15 i FINALLY leave. 

my joe is hanging on by a string. 

lets say,

i never returned to the school.

i needed time.

i needed space to get myself together.

so i spent a whole month in bed. 

then i decided i was broke and i needed to get out of my house.

so i took the first job i found.

doing something i hated.

so enough was enough.

i got up off my butt and i started looking.

now,

tomorrow i start teaching kindergarten prep.

i have not done "my thing" in almost a year. 

i am nervous.

but i know joe would be OVER THE MOON for me.

he knows how much i LOVE kids and how passionate i am about my career. 

he is supporting me 100% of the way i know it.

but i am afraid.

who am i going to go home to and RANT about all the AWFUL kids or parents?! 

or who is going to help me lesson plan?

makes me realize another thing I've lost. 

my at home co teacher.

he helped me so much.

i had him cutting out letters, painting things, trying a craft out to see how easy it was, organizing my papers. 

he was like my VERY cute at home assistant. 

that i was madly in love with.

and now, I'm starting my first teaching venture without him.

cue anxiety.

so i may be starting a "new path" but its the same old journey I've been on for 8 months.

8 months today btw. 

my lovebug- 8 months?! how did we get here?! we had a great talk today :) thanks for the nice breeze to break up the ABNORMAL heat here in cincy in the not so shaded part of the cemetery. how sick is that? i spend my days off in the cemetery now. 8 months ago at this moment i was waiting for your sweet heart to stop beating. i was sitting right next to you with my head in your lap sobbing. and in 15 short minutes i heard your heart beat for the very last time. it was at this moment 8 months ago that i felt truly alone for the first time. the only person thats ever understood me was taken away from me. i had to walk out of bethesda north hospital with a bag of clothes and some pictures that were hanging on the wall in hopes of you waking up to see our family. do you know how hard it was for me to get up off that bed and walk out of that hospital and leave you there? leave the body of the person i slept next to for 2 years there. walk out of there knowing the next time i saw you you would have your sweet brown eyes closed and in a box with all of our friends and family surrounding me saying goodbye to you. do you know how hard that was? I've told you like 8,000 times since then. that is a day that i don't even think amnesia could take away from me. it is etched in my heart. like the first day you told me you loved me. ( for real not the time at the bar when you had WAY too much to drink) anywayyyyy, i love you so much handsome. i can't wait till i can see your face again and run my fingers through that black hair and kiss your sweet lips again. i hope your resting and enjoying your time with you mama. give her my love. and tell jack jack mommy misses him. you better be being nice to him. <3 love you angel.