sleep

its a strange thing what no sleep can do to you.

the days after joe passed i COULDNT sleep.

like nothing i did made those eyes close.

i ended up having to take something to sleep.

but heres the thing.

it was healing. 

i NEEDED that time of no sleep to make my grief real and to deal with my loss.

on the other hand.

i have slept 3 hours in 48 hours.

i am e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d.

my sweet baby has hand foot and mouth( thanks daycare) 

and she refuses to sleep at night. 

so. monday night we slept for 40 minutes. 

yep. 4.0. minutes.

then i went to work and worked 8 hrs. 

then i took her to the dr.

then i had to do some shopping.

then i came home.

try this again.

last night, tuesday night,

we slept 2 hours.

thats right.

120 minutes.

160 minutes in 48 hours.

FAIL.

then again today i worked 8 hours.

i was an hour late to work. because i decided to "lay here" for 30 minutes and fell asleep for an hour.

one of my 2 hours last night i was supposed to be working! 

so bottom line,

i need some sleep.

but tonight looks no more promising than yesterday or the day before.

fever. crying. blisters. crying.

where is her father!? 

sadly, im kinda mad at him.

 I'm tired of being up ALL night alone.

its the fact that I'm ALONE all night thats the kicker.

just me and my screaming child.

and my tears of course.

heres to being a single, widowed mother.

living the dream.

not.