my blanket.

so i am a blanket person. and I'm a sentimental person. so blankets are very sentimental to me. i can tell you where i bought or got all of my blankets.

the blanket on my bed that i sleep with every night has a special place in my heart.

one day i got off work HUGELY pregnant and frazzled. i was just DONE. and joe was like i have something for you. i was like can it wait until tomorrow cause i just want to go to bed? and he was like no you need to open it before you go to sleep. so i open this purple bag and inside is the softest, warmest looking fleece blanket. it had the cat from the johnny depp alice in wonderland on it. this was our movie. i made him go see it 3 times in theater and buy it on dvd the day it came out! i LOVE this movie. and he knew it. and he knew i loved blankets. so he put them together and bought me this blanket. and it was just what i needed. i have slept with it every night since. it went to the hospital with me when alexis was born and everything. every time i look at this blanket i think of him and how he would do little things like that for me to let me know he loves me. i miss the little things. the way he would bring me a panera dr pepper EVERYDAY because he knew i LOVED the panera dr pepper. there is just something about it. or the way he bought me a new pair of tennis shoes with these soft gel inserts when my pregnant feet swelled up to a point it hurt to walk or wear shoes. he bought these "magic" pink tennis shoes he called them and they really made a huge difference. he always thought of me. me and alexis. he always put us first. for this, i will forever be grateful. some women never get to experience that.

so tonight, me and my blanket are cuddling and I'm wishing i could figure out why my life is taking this path. I'm missing him and wishing he was here to tell me it was going to be okay.

my life will never been the same. never ever. i am forever this changed woman and i just don't know how to take that.

i am very anxious in figuring out how my story and my grief can help someone else. i am just looking for the right opportunity. out of all of this i would love to give someone the gift of comfort like i have been giving through all of my widow friends. i just want to be the someone in their life that "gets it".

one day.

but for now,  I'm going to enjoy my sleeping baby and cuddle with my blanket and remember the happy days.


xoxoxo i miss you baby. thank you for my blanket. and thank you for my memories. thank you for spending 3 years with me and making them the best 3 years. i love you to the moon and back. forever & ever babe.