time to make changes.

the year marker has passed.

i have one more "one year" anniversary and that will be friday and saturday marking one year since his funeral.

i think those 2 days might have been harder on me than the actual day he died.

in those 2 days i had to actually face the fact that he was gone.

and i had to face all our friends and family and admit that.

i KNEW that was the VERY LAST time id see his face.

those days are such a blur.

i was in such a state of fog.

i guess thats your body's defense.

idk.

i look back on the last year and i realize i was SO mean to so many people.

i know it was unintentional and i hope they do too.

but i shut people out who didnt deserve it.

i had such an attitude and was so so angry. 

i wish i would have been more level headed. 

but nothing i can do about that now.

a year later, i can finally say im in a good place.

everyday i miss him.

everyday i wish he was here.

but everyday i am making choices to better myself and our daughter.

to keep his memory alive and do whats best for me and her.

i want to move forward and be happy again.

i want to finish school and get my dream career started.

i want to get out on my own and stand on my own 2 feet.

i want to support myself.

time to start making changes to make these things happen.

stop pining of people who dont deserve my attention and focus on people who do.

out with the people who treat me like trash

and in with the people who treat me like i deserve.

done letting people walk all over me.

time to realize that:

sometimes what you WANT

isnt what you DESERVE.

stop selling yourself short pretty girl.

your worth way more than that.

now im rambling.

im tired.

and recovering from food poisoning.

and blogging random nonsense.

goodnight bloggers.

<3