inside my head

the inside of my head is insanity. all day all i can do is play the same days over and over again. I play the day we went on our first date, the day he asked me OFFICIALLY to be his girlfriend, the day he told me he loved me for the first time, the day he gave me my first piece of jewlery, the day we moved in together, the nights we just layed together and cuddled, the day we found out we were pregnant, the day he felt her kick for the first time, the days he gave the best foot rubs in the world,the day she was born, the minute he first held her, the day we came home, the days we spent just cuddled on the couch as a family, my first mothers day, his first fathers day, alexis's first trip to the aquarium, our first post baby date, then the day he got sick, the day he went into the coma, the day he woke up, the first time i saw the words i love you in over a month, the first time he squeezed my hand back, then of course the nightmare of the day he died. UGH. i miss him so much. everything about him. stuff like this shouldnt happen. it should be illegal. because the pain inside of me, is killing me. i want what is in my head to be real so badly its not even funny. where is my prince charming when i need him. my voice of reason. my best friend. he is the only thing that can bring me back to earth and he isnt even on earth anymore.

i miss you babyboo.

on another note, starting sept 1st i am going to pick a different song EVERY day and connect it to a memory I have of joe. For those who know Joe, you know that music was such a huge part of his life and he passed  that on to me and i want to pass it on to alexis and I think a good way to remember him and try to focus on the positive is for me to make myself a joe playlist. so choose to read and listen or not, this isnt really for anyone but me and my man :) love you angel.