missing you.

im missing you so much. i miss the way you checked the bank everyday and would tell me to STOP spending money. or the way you would tell me when i asked if i should cut my hair or leave it long or dye it or not dye it you would say," babe you will look gorgeous no matter what you do to it" the way you would surprise me with a panera dr pepper cause you know its my favorite. or the way you would put your hand on my leg when i was driving or even when you were driving. how if i wanted something bad enough you would MAKE it fit into the budget. how when i layed with you you would rub my back and every time i left you i smelled just like you. i love that smell. i love you. & i miss you. the fireworks are coming up and they remind me directly of you. you LOVE the labor day fireworks. and i will not be attending alone. i miss your handsome face, and the way you raised your eyebrows at me and grinned. the way you would always tell alexis to say dada and not mama. LAME. haha. if you havent caught my drift, i miss you baby. more and more everyday. i hope you like it in heaven, but remember your home will always be here with me. & you better be waiting for me. heaven girlfriends WILL make me jealous. i love you boo. always. forever & ever babe.

i went to a grief group last night with kathy. it was interesting. i was the youngest person, with the most recent loss. there are people who lost their family member 10+ years ago and still sob like a baby when its brought up,  that isnt helpful. or promising. or making me feel any better. i cant be like this in 10 years. i wont make it. but i look forward to going again. i am thinking about getting a tattoo this weekend, we will see!

tomorrow i start my music challenge and i am excited to remember my man in a way he would love.

baby, i love you. you better be watching over me.