i
uhh no. not what I'm looking for.
here are my reasons why i
1. i haven't gone a single day without crying in almost 3 weeks.
2. i am emotionally overwhelmed by 6 months coming up.
3. the fog is gone. joe is really gone. I've been through thanksgiving, chirstmas, new year, our daughters 1st birthday all without him. if he was going to come back, it would have been for one of those days and he didn't. honestly, i think i expected him to show up to one of these events and when he didn't it became very real he wasn't here anymore. que the tears.
4. my memories are starting to become more than reality again. i will get 110% lost in thought about him. my memories play on and on and on and its like a movie. but I'm watching myself from the outside. the day he died is still very vivid and it feels like it hurts more now than it did then.
5. this is a big one. i am trying to look into selling our car. joe LOVES this car. he has had this car since he was 18. it is a 2005 scion tc. its a 2 door hatchback. its not ideal for alexis. joe and i talked about this. we made the decision together to sell the car. well then he got sick. i know he would be okay with me selling my car. but i don't want to. all my memories are in that car. so much of our firsts, our good memories, and our bad are in or around that car. but i can't keep it. i wish i could afford to keep it and buy a used car but heres the deal. the car is worth 8,000.00. i could almost break even on a NICE car. its really not an option but the anxiety that has stemmed from this is unreal. i don't want medication to fix it. i want someone to talk to it about. someone who HAS to listen and understand and give me feedback. healthy feedback.
so here it goes,
the search for an AWESOME therapist or councilor.
i will keep you updated.
expect a sappy tear filled post on saturday.
6 months without my boo, not enough words to express my heartache on this day.
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