the little things set me over the edge.
i am so over this "normal" there is NOTHING normal about this life. not a single thing.
i opened my bank statement today to realize that i am broke. between car repairs, car maintenance, and raising alexis on my own I'm broke. I've also developed retail therapy-itis. i feel like shopping is going to fill the void in my life but its not. it never does. i never feel any better and now I'm just realizing its a sickness. i HAVE to stop. (another reason to go to therapy) I am hoping that by going to therapy i am going to learn a healthy way to deal with life and not shop my way into a hole.
okay before this comes across the wrong way, i am NOT broke. i am NOT begging for money from anyone. i have NOT spent every penny I have. I am just struggling with accepting that i have blown through so much money so quickly. i have developed a theory behind money for the last 6 months. money means nothing to me. I've suffered the greatest loss and money isn't going to make that better, but coming out of the fog i have realized that even though i don't care about money, the world does. and having no money is not acceptable. so my money saving action is in full gear.
on other notes,
i took my baby to her 1 year appt all by myself today.
oh the joys of being a single mom. i held her down as she SCREAMED and got 2 shots and her blood drawn. fail.
then i came home and i attempted to clean out her closet. so many tears. all her clothes have a "sentimental" value to me. i can remember her wearing it somewhere with joe or hiim picking it out. or him thinking she looked so cute in something he would take her picture. ugh.
I'm going to have 0-3 month clothes forever.
:(
tomororw is 6 months. and I'm just flat out missing him.
i want you home joe carter. come home to me.
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