facing my fear...again.

so tonight i did it.

i faced it.

i went to TGI Fridays.

fridays is the last place i saw my joe outside of the hospital.

but i did it.

we went to fridays every weekend.

me him and alexis.

90% of the videos i have of him and her are in a fridays. 

he loved fridays.

we sat at the same table with one of 2 servers every time.

when i was sitting there eating,

i stared at 'our table' 

i could see the last day we were there play out so perfectly. 

it was like there were 2 people who looked just like us living out our day and i was watching.

there were no tears. a lot of deep breaths.

but no tears.

but then again,

i struggle for tears these days.

 i wish i could cry it out.

i wish i could SCREAM and be mad.

but i can't.

i just am blah.

emotionally blah.

physically i can put on an awesome front.

but emotionally I'm just over it.

I'm over the emptiness.

I'm over the aching inside.

I'm over being alone.

I'm over missing him.

it just gets old.

i didn't know it could be this bad.

i didn't know you could miss another person with this much intensity. 

on another note.

i need to make better choices.

and ill leave it at that. <3 

goodnight bloggers.