dating

I'm on a blogging role.

but i feel that if i don't blog, I'm going to lose it.

to put it simply, I've had ENOUGH. 

e.n.o.u.g.h.

with dating that is.

its annoying. ridiculous. unfair. and frustrating. 

so before joe, i had only dated like high school idiots.

I've never had to "date" as an "adult"

and i never planned on doing it.

i was okay with that.

guys in their 20s are SICK. like off the wall bat shit cray.

so it took me a while to feel okay with dating after my loss.

but i did it.

and i have found the crazy of the crazies.

I've had it all i think.

I've went out with...

obsessively clingy. no thank you.

the guy who could really care less but SWEARS he does care. um again, no thanks.

crazy ass sex crazed monster. no thank you once more.

the REAL kicker, the boy who i though i was going to make something with for sure but OH WAIT, he has a girlfriend. a LONG TERM girlfriend. WTF?! that situation was beyond screwed up. lost my best guy friend and the guy i wanted to be with on that one. but YET AGAIN.... NO THANKS. 

pull myself up outta that one, 

and i get the boy who seems so great on paper, but just stops talking to me.

fan-freaking-tastic.

what is it about me that attracts the insane ones to me?

do i have a tat with invisible ink on my forehead that says 'USE AND ABUSE ME" 

or "BREAK MY HEART A LITTLE MORE"

or "CRAZIES WELCOME"

last time i checked, no. but something about me attracts it.

now since i am a woman, or a human with like at least 1% respect for OTHER human beings.

you would think that after these people hear my story, know i have been through hell and back in 10 months, they would be like hey, she doesn't deserve what i am about to do to her. but no.

they don't see it that way.

now, i DO NOT welcome pity and people feeling sorry for me. 

but i DO expect respect from other people.

so, when you KNOW you have a girlfriend and i have TOLD you my story and that i am NOT looking to screw around and you CONTINUE to play me...for 3 MONTHS.

hmmm.

or the boy who knew i wasn't looking for a hook up, and then he was UPSET when thats not what i was putting on the table and walked away.

or the guy who went out with me 3 times and then just texts me randomly now. 

who the hell knows. 

but at this point,

i am taking a step back from this crazy land called dating.

and i am going to just relax. 

i will never find another joe.

i need to stop comparing everyone i meet to him. 

i need to just BREATHE.

the right man is out there. 

he is waiting for me somewhere.

and he will understand me and my grief and my kid.

he will respect my love for joe.

and my need for someone to be patient with me.

save me from this mess babe. send the right man in my direction. help me not feel worthless and alone. 

just help me. i love you angel.