weekend.

i had such a nice weekend.

up until sunday i didn't feel like i was unable to breathe. 

the numbness was still very much there but i was able to have fun.

we had a pity party party weekend.

me my bestie and cindy. it was epiccccc.

friday: work sucked and the day was shit. so we had a campfire and had some adult beverages. :)

always a good time.

cindy and marissa chased a truck down the street and we read some awesome wonka quotes.

saturday: got to sleep until 10 am for the first time in FOREVER 

then laid by the pool all day. 

then saturday night we went to a dirt race track.

if you know me,

you know this is NOT my scene. and it was obvious. lol.

but we had SO much fun.

so much laughter. so much girl time. 

perfect.

so many inside jokes.

then we went home.

and watched old school rap videos

and laughed some more.

sunday: more laying around the pool. 

all in all, 

it was a fantastic weekend.

it was great to just let it all go.

the sadness crept back on sunday. 

and it stuck around today.

i finally told my full story to the girls i work with.

and they cried.

i wanted to cry too.

but when i tell our story,

it makes my memories more alive. 

id give anything for him to be here to see that i have survived the last year.

and to see that i do love him.

i do miss him.

i do wish i could turn back time and make things right.

these are all things he doubted.

makes me so sad he doubted me. :(

but.

i will live.

fathers day is this weekend.

that marks one WHOLE year since the day he walked into bethesda north hospital and didn't come out.

that will be an interesting day this weekend.

lord help me.

i may be found at the bottom of a jack daniels bottle this weekend :/ 

we will see. 

<3

i miss you boo. & you still have my heart. forever & ever babe.