baby dedication.

such.an.emotional.day.

today i dedicated my sweet baby to the church we have been attending.

its something i was torn about.

but i decided to do it.

so,

i went up there. in front of 100+ people.

and i thought i was okay.

and then the tears started.

and i couldn't make them stop.

i could NOT get a grip on myself.

i was a sobbing mess.

and next thing i knew, i was not standing there alone anymore.

my dear friend Tameka who is also a widow and her sweet princess were there.

my besties were there.

ms karen was there.

joes family was there.

all the people i draw support from were standing there.

and suddenly, i felt joes presence.

the tears didn't stop.

but the words came out.

a lot of words.

i rambled.

and rambled.

the word i used to describe our daughter: strong.

not only is she physically strong

she's mentally strong too.

alexis has been strong for me and she doesn't even know it.

she carried me through the darkest days I've seen. 

and she has no idea.

she continued on when our world stopped.

and i pray everyday this is a trait she has for the rest of her life.

she needs it.

strength and a good faith will get her through this journey she calls life.

oh and her awesome mother ;)

she has a tough road ahead of her and she will need her relentless strength. 

so

after making the whole church cry,

and making an idiot out of myself.

its over.

the pictures are awful. 

and when i remember this day, all i will remember are tears.

and the support i got from my family.

and that i did it.

so when i go through the pictures i will share them.

tomorrow i start another journey with my sweet Tameka at crossroads.

grief support group round 2.

i am excited. and nervous.

but its nice having an outlet i can release all my grief and no one thinks i am insane.

besides here of course.

so here is to surviving yet another hurdle.

its been an eventful weekend. 

an eventful month.

i just want it to be over.

can i skip the next 3 months?

but like always,

i will survive.

we are survivors.

my fellow widow friends( my sweet Tameka and Ms Karen)

today was challenging. but i know you showed up. and you would be proud of me. next time don't let me look so dang stupid in front of so many people. we've talked about this. the crying is for at home. not in front of 100+ people. but here i am, checking things off my list. still missing you. and kinda being mad i have to do all this alone. but ill let it slide for today. miss you angel man. loving you always. xoxo