i did it.

the question everyone has been asking me since he passed.

"what about your relationship on Facebook?!"

i avoided it like the plague.

and that was okay for months 1.2.3.....6 but then i started questioning myself.

reasons i kept it:

a. it was the last thing i had that was "ours" besides my kid.

i sold the car, moved out of the apt, got rid of the cat, turned off the cell phone service.

b. in some sick way it still kept me "with him"

but here is reality.

a status on Facebook did nothing.

it didn't make my grief less for the first months.

it didn't make him come back.

it didn't not make me a single mom.

if anything it caused more harm than good.

its like a bandaid.

rip it off or its going to hurt like hell if you do it slow.

so i may be a little late but i did it.

and i am surprisingly okay with it.

i thought i would be so sad.

my Facebook hasn't said single in almost 4 years.

but here again is reality,

i am single.

i am alone.

and there is no reason to mislead myself and everyone else.

i am starting to date again.

I've met someone i truly like.

and its not fair to me, him or any future guy if i am viewing myself as in a relationship.

now don't get me wrong.

part of me will always love joe.

always.

i will never go a single day without thinking of him and appreciating our time together.

but this is my future now.

and I'm moving FORWARD not ON.

in reality i want to be happy.

i want to find someone who can take care of me and make me smile a real smile. 

i want to fall in love again.

i deserve to fall in love again.

i deserve to be happy.

joe would want me to be happy.

joe would want me to be making these choices.

time to make big girl choices.

big girl steps in hopefully what is going to be a healthy new direction.

so here is to a new beginning

new relationships.

new smiles.

and reestablished hope.

<3

you know i will always love you, but you also know this is best for your girls.

i wouldn't ever do anything you wouldn't approve of.

we've talked about this and i know its the right thing to do.

xoxo.