:/

 I'm human.

and i have nights where this is all too much.

tonight is that night.

tonight I'm just down right sad.

and when i realized as i was driving in the rain tonight how sad i was..

i got mad at myself for being sad.

I've come SO far.

and then i was like hello sweet girl, you have every right to be upset.

you don't have to have it all together all the time.

so tonight,

i sit here.

and i be sad. 

i listen to his playlist.

and i am just sad.

no tears.

just being sad.

and angry.

im a little angry.

tomorrow is 9 months.

9 WHOLE MONTHS since I've seen his face.

thats such a long time.

i miss him on an unreal level. 

but yet i still wake up everyday and my heart still keeps beating.

even thought I'm pretty sure I've taken all i can.

and if it was a smart organ it would just stop. 

stop enduring. 

but it doesn't.

it never fails me.

so tonight i am sad.

and tomorrow is a new day.

tomorrow i am destined to have a good day.

its an important day to me.

so i WILL have a good day.

i miss you. more each day. but you give me the strength to move forward. and tonight I'm missing you more than normal. and I'm wishing we could talk about your demon child, or the reds, or work, or anything. sometimes i just need someone to talk to. someone to pay attention to me. thats the one thing i lack so much. is the undivided attention you gave me. now, people just half ass pay attention to me. how rude. anyway, i hope your enjoying your time up there. <3 xoxo.