day 12.

Chris Brown- Chase our Love

<3 this song. I LOVEEE europe. I want to go there so badly. And Joe always told me we would go. When he came across this song, he said we would chase our love all the way to Paris. And that was the plan. Now, one day, I am going to go to Europe and I will be alone. :( That bites. but i know he will be with me. He's always with me. The other day, I looked into the mirror and I SWEAR i saw him standing behind me. CREEPY, but i loved it so much, until the steam went away and he was gone. :( it was incredible for 30 seconds.

Last night I realized I am ANGRY. I am so mad. Not at Joe I don't think, but more at the universe. I know Joe would have NEVER left me willingly. As horrible as this sounds, I couldn't even get rid of him when I wanted to. haha. he was ALWAYS there and I love him for it. Even when I thought I didn't want him there, I realize now that I did. I always wanted him there. I will continue to always want him here. But I am angry. I am angry I will never see him again. I am angry I will never hear his laugh or hear I love you again or touch his face or lay out his clothes. We will never eat at Fridays again or go to the movies or play COD together. We will never do any of this again and it PISSES me OFF. I WANT MY LIFE BACK. I WANT MY WORLD BACK. I WANT MY OTHER HALF BACK. i am bitter. is it obvious? and I am the only one who is acting like this i feel and it makes me MORE mad. why does no one care anymore?? why has the world moved on and left me in July 20th, 2011??!?

ugh the questions I only wish I had answers to..