day 10. & cemetery stuff.

day 10-
Iyaz- Replay

This song reminds me of our first summer together. this song had just come out, and i probably listened to it a million times. joe had posted the lyrics on FB before i had even heard it, he was so good at that. but then again I never listened to the radio I always listened to the CDs he burned for me. but anyway. he could always cheer me up with music. he could always cheer me up period. he is incredible. anyway. this song reminds me of summer nights, cuddling in the backseat of the car or on the couch, hoodies & shorts at night, and kisses on the porch.

today i went to the cemetery. blah. i just ended up there. i had NO intentions of going there but low and behold i ended up there. the grass has begun to grow. that makes me sad in such a weird way. it means the time is passing. he has been in the ground for 6 weeks. thats SUCH a long time. whenever I'm there its so weird to think the man i love is laying under my feet and locked in a box. joe was claustrophobic and he would HATE being in that box. It makes me want to dig it up every time I'm there and just SQUEEZE him and shake him until he wakes up, like i attempted when he died. but, yeah. that clearly didn't work for me. anyway. EVERY SINGLE TIME i am at the cemetery i start with "hey baby, where are you?" and NEVER fails, he will send me this HUGE breeze outta no where to let me know he's right there. and we have a nice conversation with several breezes and lots of tears. and i always end up sitting in the grass, wet, muddy, cold, dry, never fails. i love being close to him but in the same way it makes me realize JUST how far away from me he is. and the grass is a constant reminder of the time that has passed. stupid grass.

my baby love, i miss you. come home to ussss. :(