day 17 & 18 & my birthday

So, I didn't blog yesterday. Yesterday was a rough day for me. Happy birthday to me.. i think. My birthday was actually really nice. It started out rough. I was super sad, I thought my friends were going to bail on me, I was super upset, and then I started really missing Joe. If he was here he would have made sure my birthday was recognized is what i kept saying. and i felt 100% neglected. but things came around. I went out with Nick Mat and Adam to dinner and a movie on the river. Which was super nice. They are sweet guys. They were all Joes friends from high school who i have adopted as my own now. I just love all of them. They really put some effort into my birthday, which meant a lot. We went back to their apt afterwards and some of my ladies came over and we celebrated. such a nice time. Story details available upon request ;) Although I was sad, I wished Joe was there, It was nice. I was able to enjoy myself. I laughed a genuine laugh for the first time in 4 months. I had fun with people that i love being around and thats what matters. Joe gave me last night, he knew I needed it. I deserved it. And he was there playing games and laughing with me. I felt him.

Today I went to my cousins baby shower. It made me a little sad because it made me remember my baby shower, and that point in my life this time last year. We were happy. Planning for our baby. Planning for our future. And now my future is gone. but I am so happy for her and I cannot wait to meet Bryn.

After that Alexis and I made it to our 2nd party of the day ( 3rd for me!) my nephew Macs birthday celebration. It was actually a celebration of all the september birthdays with extra emphasis on Mac :) Now, some of you will say that he isn't my nephew, which technically he isn't, but i view him as family. i view all of them as family. i love them.  it was nice, it really was. i love spending time with them. but i also started missing joe so so much. i wanted him there with me celebrating our birthdays. family events are always tough. i just want my joe there to celebrate with. its just not the same without him and i kinda always feel like the odd ball out, even though i know they all love me and alexis and support us in every way.

anyway, now that i have typed a novel! I am going to post my songs and get my life back to normal. the birthday party weekend is over and life must go on.

baby, i thank you for this weekend. i know you gave me this weekend because you know i couldn't take much more. you know that i needed it and that i deserve a day of non insanity and a day to try and be happy. i tired, and i had moments of happiness and i know that you gave them to me. you must have missed my laugh cause you brought it back for one night. and i love you for that. i miss you so so much. & i couldnt love you more than i do now. <3

so day 17 is Akon- Angel

joe and i saw this song on a VS commercial and we just loved it. He is in love with akon and i am in love with this song. Joe is always my angel. <3

and day 18 is Scotty McCreery- I Love You This Big

this song has no joe story, but i love this song. it really reminds me of joe. i do love him so much. and the lyrics speak right to how i feel. I first heard this song when joe was in the hospital and i thought about joe right away when i did. this is a joe song. he wasn't a huge country music fan, but he heard this song while he was unconscious and i know he would like it. its a kayla & joe song. yep we have our own genre :) i love you this big handsome man.

xoxoxo.