surviving parents.

So I follow the Widdow Chick on FB, if you don't you should. She is awesome. and she has a website that is similar to YWBB. thewiddahood.com check it. anyway, she posted a link to this article.  http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/09/living/grief-children/. it really put things into perspective and now i am sobbing. I am a surviving parent. Awesome another label. Now we have single mom, young mom, widow(ish), and surviving parent. None of those are positive. Yay. I have worried about my baby since the day we found out Joe was sick. I told him he could not die because I don't know what I will do or say for my baby. She needs him. I read these stories about these children who have lost a parent and all i can think about is my sweet baby who is sleeping upstairs. That is her in 10 years. She is going to be telling a story like that. She lost her daddy and now she is being raised without her daddy here. She will never know him. Do you know what that feels like as a mother? Not only did I lose the person I love but I lost my babies father. Great. So I can mourn 2 losses instead of one. As if one wasn't enough. Ugh annoying. 1 in 7 children loose a parent before age 20. really?! that is WAYYYY too many.  what am i going to tell my baby girl when she asks? everyone says i have time to figure it out, yes okay i do she's only 8 months old, but the time doesn't make it any easier. I still have to look her in her face and tell her her daddy is dead. Never coming back. She will never meet him. He is just a face in pictures and a memory at the table to her. She will never hold his hand or give him a hug or hear him tell her how much he loves her. or have him to walk her down the aisle. she will never HAVE him. she will always WANT him but she can never HAVE him. is that fair?! NO. its not fair that an 8 month old baby will never have her "dada" and she says. how can something like that be justified? oh right, it can't. the world just sucks. this life sucks. end of story. id trade it for just about anything at this point.  


Here are some interesting stats: 


78% say they think about their deceased spouse or partner every day.- only 78?! 
91% say the death of their spouse or partner is the worst thing that has ever happened to them.- what about the other 9?! what can be worse? 
77% say it's incredibly hard to know the difference between "normal" kid behavior and grief-related behavior.
78% say there aren't enough resources to help kids who have lost their parents.-i couldn't agree more.76% say they believe there are not enough resources for the surviving parents.- exactly and its so sad. 




tonight i am bitter. not only for myself but for my baby. this life is SO far from fair it isn't even FUNNY. life sucks. end of story.